Freaky Deaky Phone Sex Blogs

Well, another holiday season and I’m all alone.  Turkey-bologna sandwiches for my big meal, and sitting at the window watching the kids play for my entertainment.  It would be great if you were to call.  We could talk about old times, about the times you used to come visit me and I’d turn the heat up so high you’d have to shed all your clothes like you used to.  I’d make you some hot chocolate and we’d just chat about the good old days.  I’d stroke that big fat cock of yours, maybe even lick it from time to time.  You’d squeeze my asscheek like you always loved doing, and maybe stick a finger inside. 

You know, if you don’t call I’m just going to be chatting with those other guys on the phone.  Maybe one of them is lonely and wants someone to chat with … get their mind off their turkey-bologna sandwich.

Your Uncle,

Charlie 1-888-283-4551

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/charlie.html

I have a theory that just like turkey makes you sleepy, cranberry sauce makes you horny.

I had a family a couple nights ago that decided to eat out at a restaurant (mine) for an early Thanksgiving dinner.  Mom, Pop, Junior and little baby Sue.  I noticed while taking their orders that pop was going real light on his order while mom and junior were ordering enough to last them until Christmas, it seemed.  Baby Sue was too young to order, so mom ordered an adult plate for her as well.

Anyway, while I was bringing the orders and setting them down I felt pop’s hand slide up my short waitress skirt.  When I didn’t flinch, he got brave and slid his hand right onto my crotch.  I couldn’t help but smile when HE flinced, finding my ‘fishing rod’ under my little panties.  I thought he’d stop after that, but nooo, he wanted more.   About five minutes later, he called me over to refill his water, and while I was doing that, there went his hand again, this time more confident.  I looked down and smiled at him this time, then shrugged my eyes toward the restroom.  I went over to the boss and asked to take my break, then headed to the restroom.

I met up with pop inside and he immediately latched one hand onto my cock, the other onto a tit.  I leaned back against the sink and began to enjoy the trip while dropping my panties onto the floor.  Pop lifted my skirt, dropped to his knees right there and started sucking my cock like it was his Thanksgiving dinner.  I let him go at it for awhile, when all of a sudden he shuffled around to a new position and started licking my asshole.  Okay, I thought, I can do that.  I shoved my ass into his face and he buried his tongue right up inside, wiggling away with it.  I had to admit – he WAS talented. 

He wasn’t done, though.  Next, he dropped his pants and bent over the sink, giving me a pleading look from those puppydog eyes.  I came up behind him and slowly pressed my dick into his waiting asshole while keeping my eyes locked onto his in the mirror.  I started fucking him slowly, but kept increasing my pace as he was shoving his ass hard back against me.  Finally, I lowered slightly, pressing my boobs into his back and reaching around to his cock.  It only took two strokes from my hand before he started shivering so bad I thought he was going to fall.  I kept stroking him and massaging his balls until they were bone dry.  Once we were done, he started cleaning up.  I tossed my panties onto the sink next to him, washed my hands and headed back out to work.

You know … it’s amazing how large a tip some guys will leave after an enjoyable meal.

Ryan

1 888  205 3279

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/ryan.html

I’m exhausted right now – just give me a few minutes.

Okay, that’s better.  I just got done spanking the duckie.  See, other guys say spanking the monkey, but have you seen how monkeys act in a zoo??  LAST thing I want to do is spank one of them.  My stuffed duckie is perfect, though.  I’ve torn a little hole where it’s asshole is, and another at its mouth.  When I’m ready for action, I just plant that duck right on top of my cock and go to town.  Sometimes I wish there was a little squeaker inside so that I could hear it squeak every time I thrust into its tiny little asshole.  Other times I just imagine poor duckie here being my bunkmate back in prison.  That guy spent almost the whole time I was there crying.  If someone else wasn’t bungholeing him, I was terrorizing him waving my dick in his face.  I wanted his lips wrapped around my cock sooo bad.  I even cut the hole in my duck’s mouth thinking about this guy.  First time I fucked my duck’s face I was thinking back about my jailcell time.  Mmm.  A good fantasy is a requirement for a good jack-off.

Call me for a good fantasy…

1-888-559-9971, ask for Jesse

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/jesse.html

Sherry be nimble, Sherry be quick!  Sherry jump on top of that candlestick!!  Yup.. that’s right.  Today I got fucked by a candlestick.  And a broom handle.  And a plunger.  And the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner.  And a series of other household items?.  Why?  Because my boyfriend is a FREAK!!  A true freak.  Seriously, he’s intense.  He would have made Rick James uncomfortable in the men’s room!   He’s a sadistic top and he  loves to make me submit to his bizarre sexual punishments.  This morning he woke up with morning wood.  I was excited because i love sausage for breakfast but he had something else in mind.  He dragged me to the kitchen,   set the egg  timer to 3 minutes, forced me down on my knees  to start sucking his cock and told me to make him cum before time was up.  I failed.  My punishment was to watch him jerk himself off into a bowl of Corn flakes (I can’t start the day without my Flakes!!) ….  he came in a huge roaring load into my cornflakes     But then he began to piss into the bowl as well.   It was brimming with piss .. pungent, smelly yellow piss and strings of sticky white cum drowning my sugar coated cornflakes…   “BREAKFAST IS READY BITCH!”  He barked at me.   I was like are you serious???    He grabbed a handful of my hair and lowered my face down to the bowl… he was serious alright.   I only got a few mouthfuls choked down before I started gagging.   It was so gross.  So kinky.  And as soon as I was finished throwing up, I was hornier than I’ve ever been!  It was too soon after cumming for him to get hard again, so that’s when he started grabbing the nearest by items  to fill my ass with.  He started with a rolling pin.. then it escalated to the broomhandle… and so on til we were all over the house looking for new things to fuck me with.  I’m pretty sore.  I’m also pretty sick in the head.  Who puts random objects int heir ass at MY age???   What’s gotten into me?? 

SHERRY CHERRY 1 888 434 1588

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/sherry.html

Lately I’m obsessed with NUT SACKS. TESTICLES!  TEABAGS!!    Like, I REALLY love balls in my mouth.  And I love my balls in your mouth too.  There is something fascinating about the scrotum, don’t you think… It seems so unnatural when you think about it.Like…  why would evolution put these things out there in the open?  They are super delicate and if you make the wrong move PAIN CITY.  of course some guys love the pain.  the torture… One guy I knew loved me to use his balls as a punching bag.  Literally.  He would stand over me with his legs spread wide, fruitbowl a dangling.. and I would ball up my fists and bat at his nutsack and his dick like  I was Mike Tyson.  He loved it and would scream HARDER HARDER SMACK MY SACK!   And it was never hard enough for him, even tho his balls would be swollen red and big as tennis balls by the time I was done.  DIFFERENT STROKES!  I sure as hell don’t like being punched and kicked in MY nads, but I do love a nice skillful tongue running from my crack to my sack.  I like it soft and wet and hot… handle with care.  But if ball torture is your thing, I’m always happy to give you what you need.  Don’t believe me?  Ask the guy I talked to the other day. I told him to make a video of himself for  slamming his balls with a frying pan.  I didn’t think he had the… *ahem*.. balls to do it.. but lo and behold  SCRAMBLED EGGS TO GO!!  He is a good little painslut.  I hope I find another like him some day. Know anybody?

SHERRY CHERRY 1 888 434 1588

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/sherry.html

With the upcoming holiday period fast approaching, I feel it my responsibility to warn against getting caught up in a common syndrome known as Holiday Depression.

This syndrome hits the gay/alternative lifestyle community even harder than the “average” person because there is an exaggerated sense of isolation from family.  Even when accepted for who you are by your family, you might still feel an internal sense of guilt for not living up to your parents’ dreams.

This is where I come in.  Over the holidays, I will make an extra effort to be completely available for anyone that feels the need to call and share.  The call can be about anything, everything or nothing … whatever is on your mind.

You are NOT alone out there in a horrible world.   Call me, we’ll talk about how great it feels to surrender to another man as he shoves his dick up your ass, or the thrill of excitement the first time you allowed that cock into your open mouth., the rush of adrenaline when he spurted his load into you.  We’ll talk about why parents or friends treat you like a leper when they find out you have an alternative view on who you want to share your bed with.

There are thousands upon thousands of bi or gay males out there going through similar experiences as you this holiday season … you don’t have to feel like a freak.   Give me a call …

1-888-251-1537

ask for Dr Ian

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/drian.html

I went and visited my sister yesterday and got quite a shock.  I had only been there a few minutes, and was walking past my sister’s room, and saw my nephew home from college for the weekend.  He had his mom’s panty drawer (I knew it well) open, and had a pair of frilly lace panties up to his face.

Not being one to turn down an opportunity when it knocks, I closed the door behind me and asked him “Do you know how much trouble you’d be in if anyone finds out about this?” 

Shocked, he nervously dropped the panties and exclaimed  ”please don’t tell!” 

“That depends on you.” I responded, to which he gave a questioning look.  “Take off your pants and put them on … feel how they rub against your dick.”

He did as I said, his firm young ass filling them up, his bulging cock showing, pressed against the front.  I came up close, and rubbed his cock through the material “There, doesn’t that feel nice?”

He stammered out a “yeah … yes”, and closed his eyes as my hand travelled up his belly to his chest and nipples.  My other hand caressed his ass through the lace, then slid its way down his crack to cup his balls and fondle them.  Now I knew he was all mine.  I pulled him gently back to the big, soft bed.  I took my hands off him long enough to drop my own pants down to my ankles and sat on the bed. 

 Pulling the lacy panties off to one side, I lowered him down into my lap, my little cock finding its way to his asshole like it had never left.  Bouncing him in my lap gently, I reached around and fondled his hot manhood right through my sister’s delicate undies.  My nephew could hardly do a thing, on the one hand so turned on by the whole surreal incident, but at the same time nervous about the possible consequences.  Finally, the constant massage of his young college cock won out, and he started bouncing even more than I had been.  Not much longer and he filled my sister’s (his mom’s) panties with his hot load.  I smeared it all around on him, rubbing his balls and up onto his belly. 

“Don’t worry” I whispered in his ear “No one will find out from me … are you going to wear them when you visit me next weekend?”

Call me,

Uncle Charlie

1-888-283-4551

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/charlie.html