Freaky Deaky Phone Sex Blogs

  Damn!  Cops really do need to go find themselves a sense of humor … and what gives them the right to decide what is or isn’t indecent behaviour?

I mean, c’mon … my dick’s not indecent … I think it’s pretty decent.  Ok, so when I squirted on him, I guess I shouldn’t have made that Monica Lewenski joke, but still … he should have taken it for what it was, a joke.  Not MY fault he popped out of nowhere right as I was getting ready to blast a New Year’s blast.  He should have been watching the fireworks like everyone else around us.

  That judge didn’t have to be such a dick about it, either.  I even offered him a blowjob if he’d call it time served for good behaviour.  Shit, I just got home from jail yesterday.  I do apologize to all of you that tried calling over the last week … I was detained, incarcerated, locked up.  I mean, it was a fun vacation … sit back and do nothing but jack off all day, and I think the officer that was standing over me during my one free phone call actually smiled when I tried calling a phone sex company for the call.

Still, now I’m more in debt than ever since I missed a week of calls.  Think I can get a few of you to help me out and call extra for a couple weeks … at least until I get caught up?

1-888-559-9971, ask for Jesse

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/jesse.html

Sorry, fans, that I haven’t blogged for awhile.  I’ve been in the hospital for a short stay.  Speaking of which … a word of advice … If you plan on sticking your dick in the stuffed turkey at Thanksgiving, make sure it’s cooled down aLOT before you do … it may FEEL cool enough on the outside, but that center is still plenty hot, believe me!

So, anyway, to my blog:

I went over to Aunt Sally’s for Thanksgiving dinner, and Aunt Sally is pretty good looking.  Hanging around the house while everything was getting prepared, playing with my cousins, watching football with my Uncle Joe … all the usual stuff, but my dick started its itching … it was telling me it wanted to get a nut, and the sooner the better. 

I wandered into the kitchen trying to keep my mind off things, and Aunt Sally said she had to run upstairs to change before some more guests arrived, so I had the kitchen all to myself.  I noticed the turkey cooling off over on the roller tray and thought to myself “it would be so cool if I could add some special sauce to that stuffing … just watching everyone eating it would get me off again.”  I whipped out my dick and stroked it a couple times so it was good and hard and ready to blow, then I picked up the turkey (it didn’t feel all that hot while holding it like this) and plunged my pecker up that turkey’s ass, all the way into the stuffing, up to the hilt.  I remember screaming and dropping the turkey before I passed out.

I woke up in the hospital with enough gauze and bandages on my dick to add 4 extra inces to its length.  How embarrasing.  I just knew that Aunt Sally and Uncle Joe could figure out what I had been doing, and the way the nurses whispered around me, I figured everyone at the hospital was fully briefed on my injury.

The best part of the stay came on the second day when the male nurse, Cliff, came in to change my bandages.  He took special care as he rubbed on the burn lotion, and I could feel my dick standing up to salute his attentions.  I found myself saying stuff like “rub it on good, Cliff” and “Oh, I think that area needs more”, and next thing Cliff knew, he was getting my load that had been intended for the turkey.  Thank goodness that still worked.  Being the good nurse Cliff was, and considering his hands were messy from the lotion, he bent over and started licking my load off my belly.  After that, I didn’t mind my hospital stay too much (as long as I stayed away from the jello).

Jesse

1.888.559.9971

http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/jesse.html

DAMN!! Sometimes having a big, sensitive cock is a curse! It’s always demanding my attention, and I just can’t leave it alone. I bombed a job interview the other day because of it. The interviewer saw me spanking the monkey when he came into the interview room, I think. Shit, it wasn’t MY fault he took 20 minutes to come in. Well, the interview didn’t last all that long, so I had time to go play with myself in the company restroom before heading back home to my faithful stuffed duckie … and believe me, it got stuffed THAT day!
1-888-559-9971

Make sure you ask for
JESSE
http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/jesse.html

Yeah, I did some prison time not long back. Fuckin’ NARCs got me with a half pound of pot. I tried telling them it was personal use, but they didn’t believe me. They booked me for intent to distribute … as if I was going to share any of that good shit.
Anyway, in prison you’re always trying to dodge dick … it comes at you from all sides. Everytime I turned around, someone was saying they wanted to make me their prison bitch. After getting rammed a couple times, I figured out a way to beat it.
Anytime one of the guys would come at me like he was interested, I’d whip out my dick and start pounding away … and I wouldn’t stop until they gave up … after all, how are they gonna concentrate on their business when they see my red python getting so much action?
My problem is that now I’m back out on the streets, I can’t get hard without thinking about some of that strange cock coming at me. Give me a call, tell me how much you want to tap my ass … I’ll be spanking my monkey big time.

JESSE . . . 1 888 559 9971
http://freakydeakyphonesex.com/jesse.html